He's Broken Every Human Law
by Misto-Forever
Summary: Well... the song does say EVERY human law. And Macavity is out with a certain fanfiction author to prove that line true! Idea taken from MyPenquinAteMyHomework's Every Human Law.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello hello hello! I'm being very hyper today! So I was ready through old CATS fanfics, and I found a story by ****ThePenquinAteMyHomework**** named "Every Human Law." It was my inspiration to write this story, because really people, the USA has truly stupid laws. Enjoy!**

* * *

I had been sitting at my computer for hours laboring over my English report when a certain ginger cat barged through my door.

"Gwen! Stop working and listen to me!"

I, used to ignoring Macavity and other such fictional characters by now, just kept working. Macavity, used to me not paying attention, pulled the computer cord out of the electrical socket. I watched in semi horror as my screen went black. "What the bloody heck?! You realize how long I spent on that?"

He rolled his eyes at me and sat on my bed. "It doesn't matter. There are far more important things for you to be writing."

"Like..?"

"You know in that stupid poem/song thing about me there's a line about me breaking laws?" Macavity asked me."

I nodded. "Sure. _He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity." _

"The thing is," He went on, "I haven't broken every human law. But I plan to change that. And you're going to help me."

"Oh joy..." I sighed. "So I'm to accompany you on these outings and write what you do?"

Macavity stood up and started walking to the door. "You're such a smart human. We start tomorrow. Be ready." He left my room.

I rolled my eyes as I went back to my computer. _Well, this is certainly going to be fun._

**Soooo... if anyone comes up with any laws you want Macavity and Gwen to break, please put them in the review box or PM me them! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

Macavity and I were walking down the street of New York City, looking for someone to speak to.

"Are you sure that this is actually a law? It's so... silly!" I questioned for the fifth time.

Macavity sighed again. "Yes, it is Gwen. Why did I bring you along on this trip?"

"Because you love me. That's why." I replied. Pointing at a business man in a fancy suit, I said, "Let's do it on him."

We walked over to the man, with giant innocent smiles on our faces. He nodded in greeting to us. Us, to greet him, put our thumbs to our noses and wiggled our fingers. We quickly ran away as the man stared confounded after us.

Laughing, I stopped to catch my breath. "That's some strange law."

"Yes. But I broke it, and that's all that matters."

_"Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers"." New York Law_

* * *

"THIS IS A TERRIBLE THING TO DO!" I yelled from the body of the plane up to the cockpit where Macavity was flying it.

"No it isn't. It's not like we're killing the thing. We put a harness on it." He replied calmly.

I sighed again. "But still, it's morally wrong!"

"Every human law Gwen! I'm breaking every one!" Macavity yelled to me. "Now release the moose!"

I threw open the door and shivered from the cold air. Moving slowly to the back end of the moose that I had lured in a couple hours ago, I quickly kicked with my feet to the moose's back end, and pushed him out the window. He flew out, but the harness we put around him (because I refused to kill poor innocent animals on this trip) stopped him before he hit the ground. I went back up to the cockpit and sat down.

"This is what the government is concerned about enough to create laws for? Really?"

_"It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane." Alaska Law_

* * *

"By doing this, everyone is going to believe you're insane. You know that, right?" I asked Macavity as we walked into a city park.

"But it's a law! I need to-"

"Break it, yeah yeah. But it's so crazy!"

"Just cover for me, will you? You're here for a reason, Gwen." He stalked off, looking at the ground.

_Yeah, to tell everyone not to throw you into an insane asylum... _I thought as he found what he was looking for.

"Hey Lizard! Yeah you! You're ugly! And stupid! Just go away, okay? Stupid bloody git!" Everyone stopped playing games to look at Macavity. I quickly went up to him and pulled him back to the car, trying to get him away before everyone started calling him a nutcase.

_"No one may annoy a lizard in a city park." Fresno, California Law_


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to my three reviewers, and to Rum Tum Tuggette for giving me my Alaska Law! You're awesome!**

I sat down in a large comfy chair, shredding up the last of the election posters I spent ages on. "Why did you spend so much time to break one stupid law?" I asked Macavity, who was sitting behind his new desk.

"It was fun. Anyways, I always wanted a title I earned instead of took." He replied, polishing his name plate. **Mayor Macavity **it said.

I laughed out loud. "You, the terror of the Jellicles, are the mayor of Oklahoma City."

"Shut up girl. I won't be here for long. I have better laws to break." Macavity told me, putting a sign up on his door.

**ON STRIKE UNTIL I GET A GIANT PAY RAISE**

_"The mayor may not go on strike." Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Law_

"Why are we back in Alaska? We were just here with the moose!" Macavity complained as we walked down the road.

"We're meeting one of my reviewers. She's helping us with the next crime." I replied, pulling on the leash in my hand. We arrived outside a barber shop, where a girl was sitting in a bench in front.

"Rum Tum Tuggette! Nice to meet you!" I shook the girl's hand.

"Who in their right mind would like my brother?" Macavity questioned us, rolling his eyes. "He's stupid, immature, ugly-" He stopped when I elbowed him in the stomach. "Be polite, ginger!" I hissed at him. I turned back to Tuggette. "Ready for this? I brought the peacock for you." I tugged on the leash again, pulling the peacock up to us.

"Let's go Macavity." Tuggette pulled him into the barber shop after I handed him the leash.  
Everyone getting their hair cut stared at the two oddly, and the poor peacock made awkward noises.

"No one mind my pet. I just want a simple trim mate!" Macavity said with a wide smile.

_"No pet owner may bring their peacock into a barber shop." Alaska Law_

I snapped awake as Macavity pinched me. "You're being a disgrace to these nice old people Gwen!" He growled.

"Says the cat that broke into a senior center!" I argued, sitting back up. "It's been hours!"

He rolled his eyes. "That's the point, human. This is the sixth hour, actually." He turned the big wheel by him, and took a small ball out of it.

"Looks like we have a 52! Anyone have a bingo yet?" He called out. The seniors all shook their heads, fully involved in the game.

I sighed and walked away to take a nap.

_"Bingo games may not last more than five hours unless held at a fair." North Carolina Law_

I was in complete ease, lying in a hammock, sipping coconut milk, eyes closed- all until Macavity pushed me off of it to the ground. "WHAT THE HECK?!" I yelled, angry.

"We came here to commit crimes, not relax!"

"But... it's Hawaii! It's America's resort island." I said grumpily, standing up.

"I don't care about that Gwen. Follow me." We walked to a boardwalk, and stood in front of a crowd.

"Who likes magic? I got a good one! See, there is nothing in this girl's ear, right?" He pointed to my head. "But now, volia! There's a coin in it!" He made one appear in my ear.

"Thank you all!" We marched away.

_"Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears." Hawaii Law_

**Reviews are extremely appreciated! Thank you! Send in your laws for me to add in! Have a stupendous day.**


	4. Chapter 4

**OMG OMG OMG I AM DYING RIGHT NOW! I've never gotten so much feedback from one story before. Ten reviews in four days- that's a record! So thank you soooooo much for reviewing and giving me laws! All the laws in this chapter were all viewer submitted!**

"Gosh darn it, who's idea was this?!" I yelled, running yet again after those stupid birds.

"You're the one who said, and I quote- "It's always more fun when the other readers come into and help right the story!" He said it in a high girly voice.

"Forgive me for trying to make sure you get some good popularity!" I replied, quickly grabbing the last duck and tying a string around it. "Look, there's the person who told us to do this." I nodded towards Silentthunder, who was adjusting her glasses. "Hey peeps. I'm Thunder!"

"Nice to meet you. Are we all set to, well, be utterly ridiculous?" I asked, picking up a duck. The others nodded. I tied a duck to each of their heads securely, and pointed to the Minnesota border. The two walked into the state with tall backs, ignoring the completly confounded border guard watching them. I laughed as the duck managed to fly away, but not before relieving himself on a certain ginger's head.

"GET BACK HERE YOU BLOODY BIRD! I'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON!" Thunder and I pulled him away, still kicking and screaming at that poor duck.

"_It is illegal to walk into or out of Minnesota with a duck on your head." Minnesota Law_

"Come on horsie! Come on boy!" I gently pulled on the reins to bring the horse closer to the water. "That's a good boy!"

"When's that girl who likes Jellylorum coming?" Macavity asked, sitting on the dock reading some super villain manual.

I tied the horse's reins to the dock. "Any time now... There she is!" I pointed to a girl skipping up towards us.

"OMG, hey guys! How are you? Are you ready to be super cool villains? Can we all have code names in case the po pos come? I mean, you don't know my REAL name, but still!" She kept talking and talking, occasionally stopping to eat some candy out of a bucket.

"Macavity, this is Effanineffable. Our partner in crime today!" I said during a candy break.

Macavity, being himself, immediately pounced onto the name. "What does that word even mean? Effanieffable? Those Jellicles must have been pretty high up if they thought-" I elbowed him again. "Do you want to offend our readers? I think not!" Sighing, I turned back to the girl. "You ready for this?"

"I was born ready! Well actually, I wasn't born into a life of crime; it just seems like a fun thing to do. Ha, there was this one day..." She kept speaking as Macavity set her up on the horse behind him. I handed him the reins of the horse and a fishing pole. He spurred the horse into the water as deep as he could go, and cast a line out. After waiting a few minutes, a giant tug on the line pulled Macavity off the horse. He glared at our laughing faces as he dragged himself out of the water, completely soaked.

"Want to try again?" I forced out, still giggling every time I glanced at him.

"The law doesn't specify that you have to get a fish, just which you try!" He stomped away.

Effanieffable and I waited a few more seconds, than burst right back into laughter.

"_It is a crime to fish while on horseback." Utah Law_

We were hiding out in the bushes like super cool spies, watching the house across the street. I pulled out the binoculars, keeping watch for the pizza man.

"Who exactly are we stalking?" Macavity questioned, annoyed and bored as usual.

I glared evilly. "We are in front of pouncii's house, a brilliant fanfiction author. She wrote one of my favorite stories. I'm like, obsessed with it. It's so depressing, yet amazing, and-" I abruptly stopped and smacked Macavity in the back of his head.

"What was that for?!"

"For being such an evil pervert in "Wicked Games", that's what! Hey look, the pizza truck!" I went completely off topic as I grabbed my binoculars again. The truck pulled up and parked in front of the house. A teenager grabbed an extra large pizza from the passenger seat and rang the doorbell to pouncii's house.

A woman with a Starbucks coffee mug answered the door. "May I help you?"

"Extra large pizza, with all the fixings. That's twenty five dollars ma'am." He replied.

The woman tilted her head. "I, um, didn't order any pizza. Certainly not all that."

"Ma'am this is the address I was told to bring this to."

"But- Oh never mind. Here." She grabbed some money out of her pocket and handed it to him. She took the box inside and closed the door.

After the pizza man had left, I went to her mailbox and placed twenty five dollars in it. It was only fair.

"_It is illegal to have pizza delivered to someone's house without their prior knowledge of it happening." Louisiana Law_

Macavity and I were bouncing pickles on the ground. "Okay, I'm not sure if this technically counts as a law..." I said, concerned.

"Sure it does! It's false advertising!" Macavity replied quickly, smiling as his pickle didn't bounce. He washed it off and placed it inside a jar.

"Hmmm... I guess I'll take it." I shrugged. My pickle didn't bounce either, so I washed it and placed it with the others. Once the jar was filled, we labeled it **Pickles** and tried to sell it on the street.

"Get your genuine pickles here! They're so truthful and yummy!" I called out to passersby. "You'll love their honesty and taste!"

One woman stopped, smiling a knowing grin. "Genuine pickles, eh?"

Macavity nodded. "The most genuine on the block."

"This is in no way is breaking some sort of law, or anything of the sort?"

I quickly smiled. "Of course not ma'am. It's a true pickle."

She laughed and bought the jar. "I would love to stay and chat, but I have to hurry to the library. My penguin ate my homework, and I have to redo it before school!" She ran off with the pickles.

"_In order for a pickle to be officially considered a pickle, it must bounce." Connecticut Law_

I watched her leave. "Do you think... she was on to us?"

Macavity shrugged. "Nah, she's just a curious human. Nothing more."

I felt like he was wrong, but I didn't argue. "Well come on cat, lots of stupid laws we still have to break."

"But only if you promise that we do something with the Jellicles next time."

I smiled mischievously. "Deal! Munkustrap had better watch out."

**Hmmm... what am I going to do with Munkus? You'll have to read to find out! Please keep giving me feedback, and sending in laws! I love them soooo much!**

**Have a wonderful day!**


	5. Chapter 5

***starts to hyperventilate* Oh my goodness, this already has 18 reviews! *throws confetti* This is sooooo awesome! Thank you to all that review. Thank you thank you thank you!**

"Macavity! Put down the explosives right now!" I commanded.

He reluctantly put down the giant suitcase. I quickly grabbed it and gave it to the responsible girl in our group, Elina (who moonlights as Rum Tum Tuggette). She smiled and held it tightly.

"How come she gets to hold it? Anyone who thinks my younger brother is an awesome cat obviously has no common sense!" I smacked him in the back of the head, but otherwise ignored him.

Elina studied the Junkyard curiously. "Just saying, this looks _nothing _like an actual Junkyard. Not to mention the fact we're not even near London."

I shrugged. "This wouldn't work if we were in London. Also, the cats are all in an AU sense of body, and none of them would live in actual junk. I'm simply using my magical authoress powers to make it all work. If there's a problem, talk to my manager." I nodded towards Macavity, who was staring at Munkustrap's cabin with uber evilness.

"Meh... I'll take it as is. Come on!" She made her way to the lake by Munkus's house, where a large rowboat was silently drifting. Macavity grinned maniacally. "I'm glad we're doing this today. I really want fish for dinner."

I sat on the dock and unpacked the suitcase, pulling out the explosives. "Okay folks, here's the plan. Munkustrap is asleep in the boat right now and-"

"Why is he sleeping?" Macavity interrupted.

"Because I put sleeping pills in his lunch. ANYWAYS, since we have to break this law anyway, I figured we could make fun of Munkus while we're doing it. Macavity has so kindly used his magic to make sure that when we light the dynamite and throw it in the water, the fire doesn't go out. On a count of three, we will all start to throw in as much dynamite as we can into the water, **without putting Munkustrap's life into real danger!**" I stared at Macavity. "This way, it's fun, and we can get some dinner for tonight. Okay?"

The others nodded and took their postions on either sides of the deck. We all picked up a stick of dynamite, lighting it with matches. I began to yell a countdown. "Three, two, on- Macavity!" He threw his before I finished, causing the waves to nearly flip the boat. Elina shrugged and threw her's too. Since I was about to blow myself up, I tossed mine towards the boat and grabbed another stick. We did this reapeatedly for a while, until Munkus regained his senses enough to start rowing the boat towards us, yelling about how we were under arrest and ya-da-da-da.

We quickly ran away into the woods, after grabbing a fish that had been blown out of the water. After making a lot of distance between us and the angry Protector, we collapsed onto the ground laughing. "That...was...AWESOME!" Elina yelled. I chucked the fish I grabbed over to Macavity. "Here's your dinner." He examined it for a second before lobbing it behind him. "On second thought... How 'bout some chicken?"

"YES!" And off we went to the nearest grill.

"_It is illegal to fish with dynamite." Pennsylvania Law_

I was painstakingly setting up our stall piece by piece. "You know, this would be easier if you actually helped, ginger." Macavity rolled his eyes and went back to eating peanuts. I stood up and took the basket of nuts from him. "These are to sell, not eat!"

A girl with a CATS logo t-shirt on came up to us. "Hello Gwen, Macavity! This is so cool!"

"Hey girl. Did you make us the sign?" I asked, nearly finished with the stall, looking up at the setting sun. She nodded and assisted me with putting it up, and lighting it up. "Glowing paint... nice touch."

We sat down and waited for the moon to rise, and the stars to come out. As soon as it did, Macavity jumped up and yelled, "Everyone, ready for some late night nuttyness? It's Wacky Wednesday folks, so come and grab some fresh peanuts from our stall. You'll be glad you did!" Surprisingly, we made a whole four sales. I'm just going to leave out the fact that three of the sales were made for ourselves, and one to the lady which accidentally knocked the bag off the stall and had to pay for the dropped peanuts.

"_It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesdays." Alabama Law_

"Yuck!" I pushed the camel away from me. "I swear, camels are so freaking disgusting." At least, this one was. It kept farting, and thought my beautiful ginger hair was some delicious grass or something. Macavity, being a jerk-face, kept laughing.

"Blame it on your precious reviewers. It was them who force you into this."

"Yeah, but I actually like them. You however..." I stopped as I pushed the camel away again. "Oh, there's Preddie!" A smart looking boy wearing a t-shirt with a TARDIS on it walked over to us.

"Good evening to you two. And the camel. Hello." He smiled and petted the camel.

"The camel deserves no love!" I said as I put the saddle on it, nearly getting kicked in the process. "Oh nonsense! The poor girl just isn't used to the busy streets of Houston. When this was oringailly against the law, Texas was made up of small mining towns, and was meant to not scare the horses. Now, it isn't nesscary because we have cars instead of horse buggys." Macavity stood still, very impressed.

I snapped out of my amazement and finshed buckling the saddle. "Up you two go. Go break a law, will you?" Both boys sat in the saddle. Macavity held the reins, and directs the camel down the middle of Main Street. "Out of the way for the amazing camel! Move your cars! Come on, out of the way!"

"_It is illegal to ride your camel down any main roads." Texas Law_

Thunder was kept looking around, adjusting her glasses, and simply being bored. "Can we just say we broke the law yet?" Macavity tried to nod, but I elbowed him.

"Yeah, but you see, this law has a grand total of three sentences written for it at the moment. We need to reach at least fifteen to call it a good section." Both of them groaned. "You realize the point of this law is to do absolutely nothing?" Macavity asked, leaning against the building we were outside of.

"Of course I do. Which is why I'm writing about us doing nothing!" I sat down and leaned back against the wall.

**Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock...**

Macavity pulled out a math textbook and started to do long division sums. Thunder started to read fanfiction on her phone. I kept typing on my laptop, trying to find good things to write about. I also quietly hummed, getting ready for the next law I would be breaking.

"_It is illegal to stand around a building without a good reason to be there."Minnesota Law_

"Okay, you two are free to go. Thank you for your patience, but we did have to do nothing to break the law so... Wait... what?" Both of them had already ran away as soon as the first sentence was out of my mouth. "Thanks a lot guys!" I called after them. "It isn't like I don't suffer from these things too!" _Meh, I like Thunder, so I won't do anything to her. But Macavity? Oh, he's going to pay..."_ I grabbed my laptop and PMed a certain hyper girl to come join me.

"PLEASE, I BEG YOU! DO NOT MAKE ME SUFFER SO!" Macavity got onto his knees and begged. "I will do anything and everything to not do this law with her! It will b the end of me, I swear it!" I ignored him and took another bite out of my candy. "Listen, I'm sorry that I was a jerk and- She's here!" He hid behind me as Effanineffable came skipping over with a giant smile on her face.

"OMG HEY GUYS! How are you today? I'm great. I am SOOOOO ready to break this law. Oh, is that candy? Can I have some PLEASE?" I grinned slyly to Macavity as I offered her my candy bucket.

"So... who's ready for some karaoke?" I yelled, walking into the middle of the boardwalk.

"ME ME ME ME!" Effanineffable replied.

"Oh dear Everlasting Cat, hear my prayer. If there is anything I have ever done that was good, save me now..." We girls dragged him over to us. "On my signal guys!" I said quickly. After a minute, I gave it.

The three of us dropped our outer clothing to reveal some pretty awesome swimsuits. Us girls held hands as we started a very off key special rendition of "Memory."

"TOUCH ME! IT'S SO EASY TO LEAVE ME, ALL ALONE WITH OUR MEMORIES, OF OUR DAYS IN THE SUN! Come on Macavity! MACAVITY MACAVITY, THERE'S NO ONE LIKE MACAVITY!" We stared at him evilly, waiting for him to finsh the verse.

"He's broken every human law... he breaks the law of gravity." He sung very softly, and then stormed away. We stared after him, than shrugged. As it started to rain, we joined hands and danced around together.

"WE'RE SINGING IN THE RAIN. JUST SINGING IN THE RAIN!"

"_It is illegal to sing in public clothed in only a bathing suit." Florida Law_

**Macavity- That was terrible!**

**Me- Oh come on, you know you liked it! Anyways, you better get used to her. Effanineffable has like a billion laws for you to break.**

**Macavity-NOOOOO!**

**Me-I feel no pity! Anyways... Please keep sending in more laws please! I accept guest reviews too!**

**Macavity- Reviews make her happy, therefore making me less miserable. Plus you get chapters quicker!**

**Both- Have an awesome day!**


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